Nekkid and Hiding from Church People
Eye catching title, right? Unfortunately, I really was nekkid and hiding from church people. The day, Saturday. The time, bubble bath time. The scene was set. Candle lit, bath running, bubbles shining, dirty book selected. Me, bare ass nekkid in the bathroom. I bent over to check if the water was hot enough. As I bent, singing burst forth from somewhere behind my behind. I jumped up and whirled around, feeling exposed. I covered everything I could cover, which wasn't much. There was nobody in the bathroom with me. Relief. Then my phone shouted "Have you seen the size of these toilets? They're ginormous!" It's a quote from Elf, and my hubby's ringtone. I read the following message. "STAY IN THERE! THE CHURCH CHOIR IS HERE SINGING CHRISTMAS CAROLS TO MY DAD!"
This message, I know, was to prevent any mad, panicked dash through the house clad only in bubbles because I thought very jolly robbers were looting the house.
The singing had stopped and I had hoped they were done. Not so. Joy To The World echoed through the bathroom from the church folks standing against the bathroom door. I was nekkid and only a foot away from the church folks. Sure, there was a door between us, but it was too close! I decided to get in the tub and shut the glass doors. I shut off the water and pretended that nobody could have heard bathwater running from a few feet away, especially church folks. So there I was, all nekkid and soapy, listening to the church choir sing. I held so still. I could not let the water slosh. I prayed I wouldn't fart. Farts are always louder in the bathtub and church. I had a combo deal going so I was really praying hard for a silent but deadly if it was going to happen. The pastor started praying, praising baby Jesus. He finished and everybody said "Amen!" Except for one lone little voice from the potty room that said "Thank God!"
Personally, I think that someday, while nekkid, everyone should have a church choir burst into song for them. It's quite the experience.