Jokes for Jordan

Thu, Dec 1, 2011 at 9:23 PM

If you have a good joke for Jordan or the fans on here......let's hear it! We can all use a good laugh!

Here's one:
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.

Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. "I'm so sorry, auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!"

"That's okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't care for them anyway."

Replies to This Posting

  1. Moderator

    RE: Jokes for Jordan

    Thu, Dec 1, 2011 at 11:23 PM

    LOOOOOOOOL good one! Great topic!

    I heard this one from my son:

    Why does a squirrel swim on his back? To keep his nuts dry.


    ~If you go away, you're taking my heart with you, so please JK don't ever go away~

  2. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Thu, Dec 1, 2011 at 11:34 PM

    debstertje5 wrote:
    LOOOOOOOOL good one! Great topic!

    I heard this one from my son:

    Why does a squirrel swim on his back? To keep his nuts dry.



    ~If you go away, you're taking my heart with you, so please JK don't ever go away~


    ROFL.....good one! (-:

  3. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Fri, Dec 2, 2011 at 12:44 AM

    What's the difference between beer nuts & deer nuts?

    Beer nuts are $2.50 & Deer nuts are under a buck

    *cue cheesy joke drums*
    ~My heart belongs to Joe but Jordan chases after it~

  4. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 9:35 PM

    ROFL!!!

  5. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 9:56 PM

    A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

    The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back." "Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

  6. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"

  7. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

  8. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 10:36 PM

    A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else". The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time". The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".

  9. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Tue, Jan 3, 2012 at 9:29 PM

    Here's a corny joke for all to enjoy!!
    Why do people love puns? ......because it's a 're-wording' experience!!....hardy...har..har.

  10. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Wed, Jan 4, 2012 at 8:37 AM

    Sarah that was so corny I laughed out loud.;) Cute!!
    Danielle

  11. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Wed, Jan 4, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    Four baseball fans - a Cubs fan, a Cardinals fan, a Red Sox fan, and a Yankees fan - are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.

    The Cubs fan insists he is the most loyal. "This is for the Cubs!" he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.

    Not to be outdone, the Cardinals fan shouts, "This is for the Cardinals!" and throws himself off the mountain.

    The Red Sox fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for everyone!" and pushes the Yankees fan off.

  12. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Wed, Jan 4, 2012 at 5:36 PM

    THIS ONE IS SPECIAL FOR JK...Missing his crackin cool self!!

    Black Eyes
    A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

    The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”

    The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”

    “Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

  13. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Wed, Jan 4, 2012 at 8:28 PM

    ROFL!!....good one tinkswonderwoman!

  14. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 9:15 AM

    LOL! Thanks for all the jokes I needed a laugh!

  15. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Tue, Feb 7, 2012 at 11:34 AM

    What a great idea for a thread, jokes! I love it :)

    My personal favorite:
    What did the fish say when it swam into a wall......


    dam!!! (got that one off a popsicle stick once, I can't share it with my 5 yr old yet b/c I don't want her knowing the other word for dam, the one with the "n", yet, LOL) But that joke always makes me laugh to myself. Yeah, I like dumb humor. Can't wait for summer and more popsicle stick jokes ;)

  16. RE: Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Tue, Feb 7, 2012 at 9:23 PM

    Lilac18 wrote:
    What a great idea for a thread, jokes! I love it :)

    My personal favorite:
    What did the fish say when it swam into a wall......


    dam!!! (got that one off a popsicle stick once, I can't share it with my 5 yr old yet b/c I don't want her knowing the other word for dam, the one with the "n", yet, LOL) But that joke always makes me laugh to myself. Yeah, I like dumb humor. Can't wait for summer and more popsicle stick jokes ;)


    That's a cute one!....gotta love the popsicle stick jokes!...thanks for posting!

  17. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Tue, Feb 14, 2012 at 6:59 AM

    tinkswondrwoman wrote:
    THIS ONE IS SPECIAL FOR JK...Missing his crackin cool self!!

    Black Eyes
    A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

    The man replied, ?On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.?

    The boss asked, ?Okay, so where did you get the other shiner??

    ?Well,? the man said, ?I figured she didn?t want it out, so I pushed it back in.?


    HAHAHAHS! I LIKE THIS ONE!
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    He got me so stingy ,

  18. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 12:03 AM

    I love this joke!! LMAO #GoRedSox

    tinkswondrwoman wrote:
    Four baseball fans - a Cubs fan, a Cardinals fan, a Red Sox fan, and a Yankees fan - are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.

    The Cubs fan insists he is the most loyal. "This is for the Cubs!" he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.

    Not to be outdone, the Cardinals fan shouts, "This is for the Cardinals!" and throws himself off the mountain.

    The Red Sox fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for everyone!" and pushes the Yankees fan off.


    ~My heart belongs to Joe but Jordan chases after it~

  19. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 12:18 AM

    Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?


    A. Anyone can roast beef.



    ~My heart belongs to Joe but Jordan chases after it~

  20. Re: Jokes for Jordan

    Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 12:21 AM

    Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?


    A. Right where you left him



    ~My heart belongs to Joe but Jordan chases after it~